I Already Hate Tomorrow…

29 05 2007

Wednesday morning will bring an amusing opportunity full of non-directional, nonsensical blathering. Much small talk will be made and there will be awkward silences as one party continuously forgets what he wanted to say. Intermittently, phrases like “I’m looking to you to lead us to victory here” and “It’s a challenge” will be used. No real direction or tangible benefits will be discussed. In the end, I will leave this opportunity with no greater knowledge of what is expected of me than when I arrived.

It’d be more amusing were it not a description of my boss giving me my annual review…

On a lighter and brighter note, this new theme looks a hell of a lot better than the one with the tulips. A big “merci” goes out to this French dude. Now, I just need to come up with a cool header graphic. Something flashy, unique, and wonderous. All I need is my macro lens, one of my nipples, and a little privacy.



Of Priests And Nuns

29 05 2007

Yesterday, we were relaxing at my parents house and enjoying Memorial Day. Maddie was running around with a towel draped over her. My mom commented that when she and her sister were children, they used to drape themseleves in towels and pretend to be nuns.

I told her that my friends and I used to touch each other and pretend that we were priests.

hehe



Got shitty credit? No problem!

27 05 2007

Amazing. I was just listening to the radio, and during one of the commercial breaks, was one of those obnoxious car commercials. You know the type, practically yelling, fast-talking - basically advertising designed for fucking idiots.

So…this commercial begins with a stand-up comedy clip that sounds a lot like Jeff Foxworthy doing his “you might be a redneck if..” routine. It may have been Jeff Foxworthy, but he’s a wanker, so I can’t be bothered to investigate further. Anyway, the wanker comedian says:

“If you’re banker avoids you when you’re walking down the street, you might have a credit problem.”
“If your car was repossessed last night, you might have a credit problem.”

Huh?

If your car was repo’d last night, you don’t need a new car today. You need a swift kick to the head, and maybe one to the groin to boot. Those truly desperate for transportation (i.e. buses and trains don’t go within 10 miles of where you have to be so that you can have shelter and your children have food) should buy a piece-of-crap beater that’ll let you get to work and sort your life out. The last thing you need is another jacked-up loan and a $400 car payment.

Commercials like that piss me off. It represents everything wrong with this and many other countries at the present time. “I want” is now “I need” and people can’t tell the fucking difference.



Bertie’s back and it’ll serve some right

26 05 2007

The Irish Times reports that Bertie Ahern will now lead the country until 2012. Apparently, my fellow Irish citizens have not had enough of the corruption (or ineptitude) that accompanies Bertie and his band of merry crooks. I’d write more about it, but Twenty sums it up better than I have the energy for right now.

As of 6 AM this morning, it’s good to be back home. For the next 5 years, I’m glad home is not Ireland…



Auld Bertie

25 05 2007

Red Mum has a great youtube clip on her blog regarding the Irish elections and Bertie Ahern. Did I ever tell you that I met Bertie? Funnily enough, it was at a dog track in Dublin (just like the Galway races scene in the video). My cousins convinced me that it would be a good place to hang out, and I was stupid gullible enough to believe them. Let’s just say that they each got a well-deserved kick in the privates, and that I won’t be watching any dogs run again.

As I was saying, I met Bertie once, and thought he was a right prick.



The best thing about room service

25 05 2007

You know what the best thing about room service (a.k.a. an In-Room Dining experience) is? That’s right; it comes to your room - any time of the day. This is important to me because I despise eating in restaurants alone. Call it paranoia, but I can almost feel my fellow diners feeling sorry for “that loser over there whose date stood him up.” It’s not hard to run out of places to stare momentarily before you end up meeting someone’s eye. Of course, you know your paranoia is reality if you get a sympathetic smile. If she’s hot though, I prefer to take that as an “un-actionable flirtation.” For whatever reason(s), that’s never actually happened to me…

Right, I’m off. It’s 1:08 AM and I’m just getting back to the hotel after work. Delectable delicacies are enroute to room 2311.



Murphy came to visit today

24 05 2007

Remember Murphy, the guy with his own law? He came to see me today. I arrived at the Guarulhos airport in Brazil this afternoon in plenty of time for my flight to Santiago de Chile. Fortunately, I was in for a real treat. You see, today was also chosen by the Immigration Inspectors for a work slowdown. The net result was that I missed my flight by an hour and a half and spent almost three and a half hours in a line that barely moved. That gave me a lot of time to ponder.

First and foremost, the largest possible “fuck you” goes out to all the Immigration Inspectors at Guarulhos airport. You made old people wait, and you made women and children wait for hours before being processed. Worst of all, you made me wait. At one point during this pathetic comedy, a desperate couple about to miss their flight, dodged past most of the line and presented themselves at the Immigration kiosk. The Immigration Inspector refused to review their documents and chastised the two for skipping the line. The husband then turned around to the crowd of about 300 people and asked in Portuguese if anyone objected to them being next in line. The crowd roared back to let him through (something about “passé”, so I got the point). The inspector still refused and eventually airport officials took the couple away where they were likely warned or beaten with rubber hoses fined.

I have decided to start praying again, simply to ask God that you be handed a worse-than-shit contract at the end of your labour negotiations, or whatever the hell the reason for the slowdown was. I mean that and I will be praying hard. I hope it is horrible. If God is truly good, he will hear my prayers and smite thee.

I was going to post something about my fellow Americans and how loud and obnoxious some of us can be when travelling abroad. However, I’m not going to write about that as I can’t figure out a way to phrase “I don’t want to listen to you cry for 3 hours behind me in line, so keep your whining, oversized cake-hole shut” tactfully. Just forget that I even brought it up…

Finally, as the waiting line snaked back and forth, there was a young English-speaking couple that I was adjacent to for a short time. I was astounded listening to you. Do you not realize that some of the people around you can understand what you are talking about?

Him: So you’re telling me that after getting used to “firsts”, now I’m gonna have to settle for “seconds”?

Her: Uh-huh

Him: Fine

Look, I’m pretty sure that I know what that exchange is about. If I’m right, and you read this, then for research purposes only, I’m willing to listen to further details. Email me.

Please.



Immigration in America

23 05 2007

Much has been said about immigration lately. I came across this little “gem” from 2006 on the auld ‘net. Since I am an immigrant, and still hear chatter along these lines, I thought I’d give it a closer look.

From: “David LaBonte” My wife, Rosemary, wrote a wonderful letter to the editor of the OC Register which, of course, was not printed. So, I decided to “print” it myself by sending it out on the Internet. Pass it along if you feel so inclined.

Dave LaBonte (signed)

Written in response to a series of letters to the editor in the Orange CountyRegister:

Dear Editor:

So many letter writers have based their arguments on how this land is made up of immigrants. Ernie Lujan for one,suggests we should tear down the Statute of Liberty because the people now in question aren’t being treated the same as those who passed through Ellis Island and other ports of entry.
[Ummm, no he didn’t. Maybe its just you that wants to tear down the Statute Statue of Liberty?]

Maybe we should turn to our history books and point out to people like Mr. Lujan why today’s American is not willing to accept this new kind of immigrant any longer.
[Yes, let’s go back to the history books. God knows they’ve never shown any bias at all, at all.]

Back in 1900 when there was a rush from all areas of Europe to come to the United States, people had to get off a ship and stand in a long line in New York and be documented. Some would even get down on their hands and knees and kiss the ground.
[Wow, 1900 must have been known as “Year of the Immigrant,” huh? I kissed the ground once after being caught in a thunderstorm in a small airplane. However, the ground is dirty, so even people from other countries try to minimize this activity. I got off a plane, not a ship, but I still stood in a huge line so that I could be treated like shit documented.]

They made a pledge to uphold the laws and support their new country in good and bad times. They made learning English a primary rule in their new American households and some even changed their names to blend in with their new home.
[Is that how history now reads? They actually changed their names to avoid the blatant prejudices leveled against them. Am I the only one who has seen those cutesy little “No blacks or Irish need apply” signs from years gone by?]

They had waved good bye to their birth place to give their children a new life and did everything in their power to help their children assimilate into one culture. Nothing was handed to them. No free lunches, no welfare, no labor laws to protect them. All they had were the skills and craftsmanship they had brought with them to trade for a future of prosperity.
[I never waved. Depending on the wave chosen, people who wave can often look seriously gay. At one point, and before I actually became a US Citizen, I was handed an M-16 as well as some clothes that make you blend in with a forest. I also got a lot of free lunches from those people with the funny helmets. Boy, they yelled a lot. Was it wrong to take their food?]

Most of their children came of age when World War II broke out. My father fought along side men whose parents had come straight over from Germany, Italy, France and Japan. None of these 1st generation Americans ever gave any thought about what country their parents had come from.
[I doubt he fought alongside many Japs. That was because most of them were locked up in internment camps for the duration of the war. I’ll bet some of the 1st gen kids had a bit of a think about where their parents came from then.]

They were Americans fighting Hilter, Mussolini and the Emperor of Japan. They were defending the United States of America as one people. When we liberated France, no one in those villages were looking for the French-American or the German American or the Irish American. The people of France saw only Americans. And we carried one flag that represented one country.
[Ah, France, land of villages. Who’s “Hilter,” anyway? Did nobody proof-read this literary masterpiece? Obviously, the OC Register missed out big time for not publishing this. Of course they saw Americans. Most armies don’t like it when you start waving a different flag than the country that it represents. “Great lads, that’s it - we’ve won! Jaysus Paddy, would you put the effing tri-color back in yer bleedin’ bag and get the one with the little stars and the red stripes. Y’eejit!”]

Not one of those immigrant sons would have thought about picking up another country’s flag and waving it to represent who they were. It would have been a disgrace to their parents who had sacrificed so much to be here. These immigrants truly knew what it meant to be an American. They stirred the melting pot into one red, white and blue bowl.
[Yeah, those parents sure were ashamed of where they’d come from. If they’d seen their sons waving a non-US flag, those lads would have a beating coming their way. That would also explain why the Irish were so desperate to move away from the packs of Irish in New York. To a far away place - like Boston…]

And here we are in 2006 with a new kind of immigrant who wants the same rights and privileges. Only they want to achieve it by playing with a different set of rules, one that includes the entitlement card and a guarantee of being faithful to their mother country. I’m sorry, that’s not what being an American is all about.
[Christ, I wish I still had that entitlement card. It was great and you could get loads of free stuff with it. Stuff like a 1040 from the IRS…]

I believe that the immigrants who landed on Ellis Island in the early 1900s deserve better than that for all the toil, hard work and sacrifice in raising future generations to create a land that has become a beacon for those legally searching for a better life.
[I really enjoy living off the backs of those people now. Thanks.]

I think they would be appalled that they are being used as an example by those waving foreign country flags. And for that suggestion about taking down the Statute of Liberty, it happens to mean a lot to the citizens who are voting on the immigration bill. I wouldn’t start talking about dismantling the United States just yet.
[I vote too - scared?]

(signed) Rosemary LaBonte
P.S.Pass this on to everyone you know!!! KEEP THIS LETTER MOVING!! I hope this letter gets read by millions of people all across the nation!!

Rosemary dear, maybe your letter did not get published because its a poorly-written, poorly-researched piece of crap? Nah, maybe its like your husband implied, it was not printed because you dared tell the truth…

Anyway, I’ve done my part to keep those immigrant fuckers out now.



Do they make really big microwave ovens?

22 05 2007

Big enough for a grown man? Just wondering like.



All I want for Christmas is a comment

22 05 2007

I am anxiously awaiting the slew of comments that is surely brewing on the ‘net for me. I know that one morning, I will arise, and find a large community of readers interacting with both myself and with each other. These are exciting times, right?

You see, I knew if I wrote it, you would come…

PS - Please don’t link to this site. I’m not sure that I could stand the bleedin’ excitement.