Murphy came to visit today
24 05 2007Remember Murphy, the guy with his own law? He came to see me today. I arrived at the Guarulhos airport in Brazil this afternoon in plenty of time for my flight to Santiago de Chile. Fortunately, I was in for a real treat. You see, today was also chosen by the Immigration Inspectors for a work slowdown. The net result was that I missed my flight by an hour and a half and spent almost three and a half hours in a line that barely moved. That gave me a lot of time to ponder.
First and foremost, the largest possible “fuck you” goes out to all the Immigration Inspectors at Guarulhos airport. You made old people wait, and you made women and children wait for hours before being processed. Worst of all, you made me wait. At one point during this pathetic comedy, a desperate couple about to miss their flight, dodged past most of the line and presented themselves at the Immigration kiosk. The Immigration Inspector refused to review their documents and chastised the two for skipping the line. The husband then turned around to the crowd of about 300 people and asked in Portuguese if anyone objected to them being next in line. The crowd roared back to let him through (something about “passé”, so I got the point). The inspector still refused and eventually airport officials took the couple away where they were likely warned or beaten with rubber hoses fined.
I have decided to start praying again, simply to ask God that you be handed a worse-than-shit contract at the end of your labour negotiations, or whatever the hell the reason for the slowdown was. I mean that and I will be praying hard. I hope it is horrible. If God is truly good, he will hear my prayers and smite thee.
I was going to post something about my fellow Americans and how loud and obnoxious some of us can be when travelling abroad. However, I’m not going to write about that as I can’t figure out a way to phrase “I don’t want to listen to you cry for 3 hours behind me in line, so keep your whining, oversized cake-hole shut” tactfully. Just forget that I even brought it up…
Finally, as the waiting line snaked back and forth, there was a young English-speaking couple that I was adjacent to for a short time. I was astounded listening to you. Do you not realize that some of the people around you can understand what you are talking about?
Him: So you’re telling me that after getting used to “firsts”, now I’m gonna have to settle for “seconds”?
Her: Uh-huh
Him: Fine
Look, I’m pretty sure that I know what that exchange is about. If I’m right, and you read this, then for research purposes only, I’m willing to listen to further details. Email me.
Please.
I love eavesdropping. This would have given me tons of ear candy.
As for customs officials, there’s none worse than the British, unless it be the Americans. I love Italian customs. I could have been carrying someone else’s passport, and they wouldn’t have cared. It was great. The Brits, though, inspected every single last thing I owned with space-age gear and asked me a gazillion questions. I give them the middle finger.
It’s funny, but I had my first cool US Inspector on my last trip. It was because we had the same birthday - and he actually remembered me. Man, I coulda brought all the
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